Dedicated to the fabulous Joan Rivers. RIP. X
Because life isn’t always easy, most of the time it’ll make you want to smack yourself in the face, cry for no reason and eat potato-based products. But that’s a-ok.
Go on, remember these things and try not to have a breakdown today..
1. Nobody on their deathbed ever says that they wished that they had worked more. Any dying regrets will be that they loved harder, lived fuller and embarked on more adventures. Remember that when you’re beating yourself up about your career or lack of. Your work should always be to fund your lifestyle and happiness and not to be the epicentre of your universe. If you’re moping because your career plan just ain’t happening, get a grip. Go on holiday with friends or have a boozy barbecue with family. Don’t ever forget to think about and prioritise what makes you happy.
2. £2.99 eyeliner from Collection 2000 is one of the best. Lasts all day, doesn’t scratch your eyelids to death and comes out inky black.
3. J K Rowling went through hell and back before she became the mega book goddess she is today. Plus, she was 32 when she had her first book published. Just because you’re not succeeding in the way you think you should right now doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen.
4. Everything changes in a week. The problems and life dilemmas making you a sad Susan today will guaranteed be different in a week’s time. Maybe you’ll get an unexpected text, maybe you’ll meet someone who’ll change your perspective. Either way, you can worry and worry but only time will make things change.
5. Bath, tea, chick flick. That remedy will cure or better pretty much every situation. Remember it for your hour of need (or when you’re having one of those days when you’re sobbing relentlessly but can’t actually pinpoint what the reason is…).
6. If you’ve got oily skin you’ll tan better and suffer from less wrinkles. Yes, you’ll have to filter the shit out of your selfies, but there’s plus sides too.
7. Peppermint tea will help soothe your digestive track and will decrease bloating (and will help you go to the loo…).
8. Sleep is good. Like really good. Liv Tyler once said she stayed skinny by getting 12 hours sleep a night. So don’t feel like a moron for sacking off the gym for an early night. Leave the washing up, save that blog post for another day and feel bad about not going out for cocktails another time. Sleep is bloody important because your body heals and recovers. When have you ever seen a sleep addict with bad skin?
9. If you prefer granny pants, wear them, they’re healthier for your vagina. French knickers and thongs are both linked to cystitis and thrush, so there you go.
10. Water. Water. Water. Just drink it. Carry it around with you. When you think you need 3pm chocolate you probably just need water, when you think you have cystitis, downing pints of water will keep it at bay and when you’re drunk, necking some before bed will make you feel golden.
11. People’s lives on social media aren’t real. But you seem to think they are and then compare yourself to them, idiot. When was the last time you posted anything that showed the glaring holes in your life? Pretty much never. Remember that people are exactly the same as you.
12. 95% of leggings are see through. So when you wear them with a t-short the whole world can see your pants. In fact, at least 15 people have probably seen your pants within the last year, have a good think about that.
13 Exfoliating is GOOD for a tan. Drop your fears that you’re scrubbing your tan off. If you want your tan to last and to prevent your skin from peeling, use an exfoliating glove before, during and after your holiday. Trust me.
14. Girls in relationships gain a stone on average, so if you’re single just remember you’re winning right now.
15. Smiley faces, spaghetti hoops and chicken dippers only comes in at 600 calories. Which, considering how carby and warm it makes your belly isn’t too bad at all. It’s the same as an M&S sandwich, banana and yogurt. Save this knowledge for a down day.
16. Coffee makes you bloat. Quite badly. So don’t drink it everyday, it plays havoc with your digestive tract and will totally scupper your bikini diet.
17. And lastly, it’s totally OK to have a meltdown even when everything in your life feels perfect to the outside world. Even if you have a job, a great boyfriend, friends and family, it’s totally fine to have a little cry for no reason. It makes you female.